the answer

I'm in trouble, and you're in trouble

oh, won't you save my soul tonight?

{stereophonics - trouble}

I'm not seeking for it. but my brain won't agree with me.  
apparently he keeps searching for the answer, for anything. 
for what am I doing here, thousand kilometres from home.
for am I really ever have a home anyway.

watching other people having life seems to illogically depressed me. even if that's the lives I know I don't want. 
and he told me then why. 
it's jealousy, he said. 
I laugh at him. completely disagreed. 

then, can you really tell me why?

okay, maybe not completely disagreed. 
but I still disagree. 
maybe there's some jealousy in it. 
but the real reason is..


he laughed at me then.
but he didn't disagree with it. 

so, since when you stop being excited to life?

I don't know what I want to do, but I know what I don't want to do.
I read about risk too much. 
I believe about risk too much. 
the 2009 taught me being stoic is better than pain. 

self centered bitch. 

I grow old, but seems won't grow up. 
took me great pain, made me hurt people, in the process of underlining this point.
I'm no saint. not trying to become evil too.
I'm no success, but try my best not to moan about this to everyone.

maybe I'll take anything people said to me. 
though that doesn't mean I'll trust them.

self centered.

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